Can a Raise Really Help Your Spirit?

December 1st, 2008

First off, the city DID respond to me today regarding my trash man run in of the 25th and he was very concerned in what happened.

Now today's bitch......

Three weeks ago I was told at my job that my boss was "Making me an offer I could not refuse", which included a $2.00 an hour raise. But a pay period came and went and no change was reflected monetarily. So today again, yet another chance to boost me. No word was mentioned before I started payroll. One thing I have learned in the last almost 6 years at my job is, and in life, if you don't ask for it, you are not going to get it.

So I took a few deep breaths and walked into the doctors office this morning to ask for the raise long over due. I pointed out all the extra work I have preformed in the last year. He told me, "Are you saying I give you too much work to do?" No, that's not what I was saying... I pointed out since two people had left us, all their work load has been mine. He told me, "Do really you think you work hard and don't have enough time - I can find someone easily to do what you do" No, that's not what I said and told him yes EVERYONE is replaceable, this is true, but to get someone up to my speed would take him some time, or two employees. I explained that I am now doing ten times the work I was hired for, and also have been working for two other of his personal companies. He told me, "Do you really think that is so hard? Your position is the least important in the hospital," and he then shocked me by saying EVERYONE works harder than me. When I told him I totally disagreed and that sort of hurt what he thought about my performance, he poo poo me told me the boys who clean the animals cages work harder than me and continued to squash me like a cigarette butt on the floor.

(THE BELOW PHOTO IS COPYRIGHTED AT www.shutterstock.com/pic-779743.html)

I wanted to point out all the problems with the "other" hard workers that he is unaware of how I have picked up their slack too, but instead I held my ground and told him this wasn't about any other worker he had. This was about ME and what the others do was no business of mine. "You think you're pretty special at the hospital, but you should not feel that way because you are not." special at all. With tears beginning to form in my eyes, I explained that I was promised what I am asking for almost 6 years ago as they had told me, "Don't worry, we'll get you there fast." He still said NO, he had never made any special arrangements with me, he can find someone else to do my job. "The ONLY value you have to me is your loyalty and your honesty" he explained.

At this point I can not hold back anymore and as he sees the first tear drop cross my check. "How much is your rent?" I don't think he is allowed to ask me questions like that, but I told him the answer, he told me that was a lot to pay for my one income and then said "Okay add $1.50 an hour to you pay."

Now, I should be somewhat happy and feel good right? Well as a matter of fact, I feel horrible now. No, I'm not glad that I allowed myself to shed a tear in front of him. I don't feel good about my raise as it had NOTHING to do with the extra work I do. It had nothing to do with my job performance. It had nothing to do with the extra mile I go to be as efficient in my job as possible. Nope, the ONLY reason I got the raise was because there were tears in my eyes so I started to looked pathetic and he felt sorry for me. It's given me a knot in my stomach all day for allowing him to have that power over me. But, come next pay day, I WILL write it in my gratitude journal.

But I guess.....

IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!